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Monday, April 04, 2005
. I change my mind all the time, but I think my feeling is, ART probably shouldn't cost as much as it does. Yes, there's the US where it costs an arm & both legs, and the UK/Canada where it's cheap but takes years - but then there are countries like Israel, where it's cheap yet also efficient and excellent. So at this point finding a good "bargain" seems to me more like "sidestepping all the people trying to cash in on my desperation."
It's a strange question to ask, when what you're asking is how much it's going to cost you to conceive your child. It's supposed to be one of those perks of being human, the ability to reproduce. This should have been one of nature's freebies, making a baby with my favorite boy in the world; it's supposed to be an act made possible by love, not by money.
Yes, as many what ifs as there are running around through my head, it's especially hard not to dwell on the financial aspects of what it'll take for us to get me pregnant. When we first started talking about egg donation and IVF, just a few months ago though it feels like ages, we were so thankful that we were living in the UK, where medicine is socialized like it's supposed to be and even private care seems reasonably affordable. No insurance companies to wrestle with or crazy exorbitant fees to worry about, the way there is in our native U.S., where health is basically a business like any other, and infertility even more so.
After a thoroughly depressing meeting with a fertility specialist here in Edinburgh, however, it's become clear that as much as we're itching to get things started now, it's not going to happen in the UK. As the doctor bluntly informed us, there are no egg donors currently available anywhere in the city, even if we were to self-fund. With the recent law barring anonymous donations, and paid donations already illegal, waiting lists throughout the country are now years long. Even if, by some miracle, we were to bring in our own donor -- not necessarily to use ourselves but to add to the pool and bump us to the top of the list -- our chances of finding an Asian egg donor are virtually nil. I suggest you go to Spain, the doctor informed us finally; there's a great clinic in Valencia. Good success rates, no waiting lists, very efficient. And, he added matter-of-factly, their prices are much cheaper.
I came home from that appointment in a dark inky funk. I'm not going to Spain, I wail at the boy through hyperventilated sobs, we're not trying to snag some bargain on our future children! The boy hugs me, and smoothes my hair. It'll all work out, he assures me; we knew we might have to do this back home in the States anyway. Besides, there's nothing wrong with Spain; it's not like it's some third world country. And hey, he jokes, it might be nice to see some sunshine after all these dreary Scottish days.
As it turns out, though, we're not moving back to the States, even after this two-year stint in Edinburgh is up. Around the same time we had the fertility clinic appointment, the boy found out he got a job in Canada. A great job, the dream job, the one he stayed in school for twenty-plus years in order to get. There are all sorts of reasons to be psyched about Canada, and mostly, we're thrilled. But here's the catch: Canada's pretty much like the UK on the egg donation front. While IVF is covered, like all medical treatment in that country, donors can't be paid or donate in anonymity, and as a result, you sit on the waiting list for an eternity.
So I'm discovering some of the limitations of socialized medicine. Yes, it might be free, but what good does it do me when all their regulations make access impossible?
Which is why we've started looking at clinics in the States, even though it still makes me bristle when I think about how commodified the whole process is in my home country. It's also why we're reading up on Spain, even though we don't know a thing about that country's medical care, and I hate the idea of being one of those "reproductive tourists" the media so likes to talk about. I'm asking for prices, and getting details about what's included and what's not; I'm reading about payment plans (no baby! get your money back! -- no joke, I read this on a clinic's website), trying to stop wrinkling my nose in distaste. I'm slowly teaching myself to stop thinking about should've beens and supposed tos, because for us, this is just the way it's going to be. Money's going to be a part of it, no doubt about that, but in the end, it's still about love. Love's what carries us through this constant stress, the frequent heartache; it's what makes this all worthwhile.
# posted by y @ 10:43 AM
But it's also a question of how many times we're going to need to do this before we succeed. If we can go somewhere they'll do an excellent job for a quarter of the price, that means we can do 4X as many cycles. Which really might make the difference between baby & no baby.
And then of course there's the question of whether we're using the money wisely. One of my less sensible reasons for considering adoption is certainly financial: I'm afraid of spending all this money and STILL not coming out with a baby.
We have to think about a lot of stuff we shouldn't have to. That's for sure.
