egg scramble: tiptoe

tiptoe

It's not that I'm superstitious, not really, not usually, I swear. But each time I've signed in here the past few weeks to give the update, I've chickened out. I think I'm afraid that if I think too much, say things too loud, get my hopes up too high, that's when things will go crash. So I've been moving with toes inching forward, holding my breath, hoarding my thoughts in a great big knot in the stomach.

But yeah, I'm still here. And things are going. Really going. I'm back in Boston doing my cycle.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been dutifully popping tiny purple Estrace tabs left and right, knocking back folic acid and low-dose aspirin, turning up for occasional blood draw jabs and ultrasounds at ungodly early hours of the morning. To be honest, it's all been so easy on my part that things haven't felt quite real; most of what needs to happen has been happening to our donor. (Who's proved to be amazing, a total trooper, though it's obvious seeing how tired she's looked since starting the Follistim that this is all hard, hard work for her.) Meanwhile I'm the understudy, twiddling my thumbs in the wings, hoping I'll get to step up and take over soon.

So each afternoon after she's been in for tests, I sit by the phone between 2 and 5, waiting, waiting, waiting, for the latest report. E2's and follicle counts and more words and numbers that are only now starting to make some semblance of sense to me. My perch, by the coffee table, is awash in hastily scrawed post-it notes.

This afternoon though, the latest news: a whole heap of follicles are looking ready to go. Tonight we help her with the hCG trigger shot, which I'm studying up on (IVF newbie that I am, the whole world of powders and diluents and needles still freaks me out). All of which means that come Thursday, with any luck, we'll be gathering us some eggs at last.

Knock on wood, fingers crossed, keeping that bubble of hope close to my heart as we tiptoe one step closer still...

# posted by y @ 11:57 AM